September 2011
2 posts
Mindless; September 24th.
We didn’t really have any similarities at all, only that we liked each other. I throw bits and pieces of tangled memories behind and you can’t find the time to untangle them. It’s been a wild summer. One of laughter, many smiles and weak knees. Breathe in, breathe out. I’m taking my days one step at a time. Things will change soon, the seasons...
1 tag
Unknown desire.
I want a man who feels pure magic when he lays a hand on my shoulder. I don’t want comfort. I don’t desire comfort. I see no comfort in comfort. I want an edgy, but desirable smile. I want a smile that speaks on its own. I want a flawed and challenging man who leaves me no room to figure him out. And goddamn, I don’t want butterflies. I want firecrackers. I want sparks to fly when we exchange...
August 2011
4 posts
I'm avoiding the void you've created.
August 12th;
I don’t want to go to college. I want to stay here and fall in love with you.
My hands shake, my body aches. My anxiety eats me alive.
Hands.
The way they touch and they feel. The way they shake in silent fits of regret and wipe tears at every loss. The adaptation they seem to have, the sudden reaction to an unwanted touch. The way they embrace another hand when nothings left to hold.
July 2011
2 posts
August 1st;
The trees shook from a soft breeze, the wind scattered around leaves like memories. People looking but never seeing. The sky was heavy with rain, like a face of hesitation just dying to scream out. Words pour out of me so quickly I have to bite my tongue to contain them. You haunt me like a ghost and I stray away from most. I’m plagued with an everlasting burden, one much too...
I try not to intertwine my reality with the depths...
June 2011
2 posts
June 30th;
I hadn’t written in a while because all my thoughts seemed incomplete. I spent my nights piecing together fragments of sentences that stained the palms of my hands. I iced my morning coffee for fear the steamy liquid would burn all the words I long to say right off the tip of my tongue. When I was young I would sneer childishly at those around me, filled with a childish hope that...
July 6th;
You’re an avalanche of memories.
May 2011
9 posts
May 30th;
I don’t speak as much anymore. I’m seeking with blind eyes. My heart dropped so many times when I thought I saw you, and the urge to flee into your arms stumbled across me. I’ll have a late night tonight, with just me and myself. The television pure background noise, so my mind can escape the reality ahead. I graduate Saturday. I hated all of you. The ones I love I...
May 23rd;
Piano hands, you said. Like I would understand. You smiled at me like you knew me, and I just looked right through you. These walls keep closing in and the air tumbles through me; my body sinks beneath. So much too do and so many words I have left to say. You ran away and didn’t look back and I can’t stop looking forward.
Oceans of emotions.
I questioned my free spirit, and how I clinch my fists at the sounds of fear. The urge I possess to free every caged bird, such indescribable emotions. Am I the only one who gets the most undesirable feeling of hunger, for something or someone? It’s quite unnatural. It’s just this craving for something that doesn’t exist, and I can’t explain this.
May 12th;
She opened up her closet door and all her memories covered the floor. It was a day of false hope and regret. I was weak with burden and my heart was heavy. I craved your very existence, something that has faded with time. I miss you, you know.
May 9th;
The air felt heavy today. I was a mixture of complex emotions. You enhanced all my quirks. Like that silly little laugh I have when someone tickles me. I was just so happy for a while. My feelings fade with realization as the wind consumes me.
May 6th;
Maybe it’s because she played with fire or the way she touched your hair. My hands we’re cold and my heart heavy. I have a mountain on my mind. Or perhaps because when I was young, I wore thick glasses and made up stories in my mind, leaving all the reality of the world behind.
I’m not asking for much, just a man I can trust.
May 2nd;
My words spill out like paint on canvas and I can’t quite grasp all the things I need to say. All the rhythm runs through me like electricity, and everyone I touch feels the beat. I can never love anyone and be loved at the same time, I suppose curiosity tends to work this way. You asked me if I liked you, and I just shook my head. Smoke blew from your lips, and your kisses tasted...
May 1st;
I’m going to give you the biggest hug tomorrow, and I might not let go. It doesn’t really matter, I just want you to know. If we do it over, lets do it right. I’ll learn to never hold on so tight.
April 2011
9 posts
April 29th;
I get so silly over the simplest of things. A small hug, a warm smile. I’m dwelling on false hope when theirs nothing left to come. I’m so happy and grateful for all the friends I have. It’s the smallest of gestures and questions that make my dreary day.
April 25th;
It just makes me sad. Because somewhere along the way all that magic decided to fade. I’m a little bit clumsy, and a little bit sad. And I’m sorry because I didn’t know what to do. You made me so happy and it was something I couldn’t stand. You have a smell I’ve grown to call my own. You gave me a shirt of yours. Sometimes when you smile it reminds me of...
April 23rd;
You asked me to touch you, but I couldn’t feel. My heart sank towards emotions far too real. We circled each other as the complexities of life danced around us. You had me in a trance I almost couldn’t comprehend. Where we’re you when I first began? Our hearts we’re wild and empty.
The smiles we possessed, once full of life, we’re nothing but faded...
April 19th;
Your lies we’re incredibly loud. They screamed within themselves and rattled my bones. I’m covering all the truth with lies. The concept of you not being around makes such innocence seem astound. You probably don’t understand my complex emotions; they confuse and disturb me too. Although estranged, we’re similar in many unknown ways.
April 14th;
I am happy today. I’m just waiting til it fades.
April 13th;
The puddle in front of my house was nothing but a shadow by noon. My shoulders we’re heavy with the weight of the world. I thought about how my mom had an infinite collection of Johnny Cash albums. My heart grew heavy when I recalled how she never opened his last one. It’s still in it’s packaging, caged and unheard. It’s like a ghost to me; playing in infinity...
April 10th;
I guess its normal for nostalgia to overwhelm and disturb the soul. What I know is you kept talking and your words seemed like gold. We haven’t spoken in years. I miss you, but you’re still here. How can these rough waters remain so clear? I’m a daughter of a father who’s absence is quite profound. Your sea green eyes remain a mystery to me.
We are nothing...
April 9th;
I wanted to go home but then I realized I was already home, but I guess that doesn’t matter. I was hit with the sudden urge to read, too. But all the words weaved together and I couldn’t make sense of whats before me. I wanted to do something, but the storm clouds hung low and rained poured down on my plans. My empty dreams seemed to shadow the future. Tainted, mirrored...
April 5th;
Your restless soul leaves me weary. I try to imagine myself in different places. Wandering aimlessly so nobody claims me. I’m searching the ocean for a ship that’s never sailed. I want to pleasantly reminisce rather than hideously regret more so than anything. That is what I will wish for tomorrow.
March 31st;
My birthday sprang like wild flowers, rushed and froze by mother earth. I am embracing the worn edges of my youth. You said it didn’t matter, your words we’re sweet but cold. I can’t even collect my thoughts, so effortlessly I used to. I wake with a fright, in the middle of the night. My thoughts are heavy like dew. I dreamed a river ran wild (my heart did, too). I...
March 2011
10 posts
March 25th;
I am dwelling in false excitement of things to never come. A kiss on the cheek, a sudden hug, a friendly smile I can’t bare to ask for. These things and you are all so complicated. My lies entangle my truth and I have so much I need to do. You occupy so much of my mind, and I barely even know you. Contrary to popular belief, I think you’re wonderful.
March 25th;
You smelled like shadows and felt like rain. I thought about how, if we ever we’re to kiss, I’d have to stand on my toes. Making it hard for me to balance both me and my emotions. And now we hold our heads so high, our hearts sink so low.
March 22nd;
My days blur together, and my bones shake like they do when it storms. I bruise easily, I told you. You smiled with a face full of pride. “How so?” I began to over-think things again. My eyes never left the ring on my finger. I just shrugged in response, my mind was a living distraction. “Just because,” I finally said, in a voice I couldn’t consider my...
Theres parts of me missing I didn’t know I could loose.
March 15th; I guess it doesn’t really matter, but I’m still dwelling on false hope. The ghost of what isn’t there, and whats never been. It’s pathetic really; I feel an absence of what doesn’t exist. I reflect on memories created by a parallel universe of the mind. I need to unravel my thoughts. You broke me into pieces and kept them for yourself. I don’t love...
March 11 ;
I like to imagine that God wouldn’t do these kind of things to people. That it was a mistake. Everything seems so small suddenly, the worlds so big and full of hate. Everything was dark today, the feeling I mean. The absence of sound absorbed me, my heart hollow. The truth behind all those lies. It’s the unfathomed depth of a river much to wide, It’s me and you...
March 6th;
I began to question things I used to accept. Things I’ve always questioned, but strayed from. Like love, of course. I craved something simplistic and natural, the man in my dreams from time to time. I wondered if it’s natural to fall in love, or if we just caved into our expectations. It rained hard and I smiled a bit. I realized that love is real, and that I’m...
March 4th;
You smiled discreetly and only to yourself. The ghost of regret went right through you. You didn’t feel a thing. All your dreams and goals we’re amplified, I found myself in midst of discovery. “Do something wonderful, without recognition”, you said. And my eyes got real big and I saw nothing but what everyone needs to see. I knew at that very moment,...
Old love & Steady smiles.
I wondered what my neighbors we’re doing while the sirens wailed. I imagined him holding her tired body with shaking hands and a smile full of wisdom and experience. He didn’t panic of course, he just held her a little tighter.
February 2011
6 posts
February 27th;
Dear God, I want nothing more but for that man kiss me like that photograph. My insides would explode and my feelings would no longer doubt their significance. I wish for so many things; God and I can’t understand. I don’t even know what passion feels like. But at that moment, it coursed through my body and ravished my bones. I felt so alive. I want that every day of my...
February 24th;
I miss my hair so bad. It’s not long anymore. No more gypsy dancing with my long wavy hair. I feel like a piece of me is missing, suddenly I’m vacant. Maybe this is what I needed. It’s a Thursday night and it rains heavy, the sky sobs and pours buckets. Communication was a let down, and my heads still foggy and such ambition blurred. Perhaps I led myself in the...
February 12th;
All my days washed together as life dulled around me. Nude trees shook snow of their branches with great sighs. Your scent, one of tall grass and summer nights stained my skin like ink. You’ve substituted all my lies for truth. Its winter here again, the dirt looks just like sand. With troubled smiles and postponed possibilities we’ll begin again.
Trust this mess.
I dreamed you kissed me. My heart ran wild as my hands cupped your face. Your hands roamed and your cheeks turned red. Everything felt so natural. I craved your existence in my life. Whats left of me seems to expire. Your tall and I’m so small, your eyes are the color of sand. I wanted so badly to loose myself in your arms, and smile as your presence fades. You seemed so...
February 8th;
You we’re taller than the great Sycamore tree, your leaves bright and yellowed, scooped up by the mellow wind which led you drifting to places you’ve never seen. I’ve been reading a lot more lately. My mind made up of false words and memories I can’t call my own. You wanted nothing more than significance and I dreamed of purpose. Our lives were bound to...
Moments of Realization.
Their are somethings love cannot compare too, such as the breeze right before a summer storm or the satisfaction of a book that fills you with life.
January 31st;
And I can either dance around their feet or charm them with abnormality. I told this woman I liked her art today. I meant it very much. She is a very beautiful person, and I quite often find myself curious of her and her ways. Perhaps a burden of normality myself; I look down at my feet and keep my spirit to the skies.
The truth in her eyes made me question things, many marvelous...
Strawberry Afternoon.
It was maybe the way that winter light, a vivid beam of memories shined back on me, glaring my senses like a photograph. We we’re a tangled realm of disturbed possibilities, you and me. My thoughts consumed me quickly. Drowning me with silence, the echo of a swallow, the hollow sound when a dog barks aimlessly of place you only dream of.
January 2011
4 posts
January 27th;
I’m in desperate need of change. Its time for a fresh start. I’m leaving it all behind. The fascination with uncertainty hideously outgrew me. In my puzzled disturbance, the world shattered in silence. I won’t let you break me down.
Feathers and Birds.
She collected the feathers of birds, broken wings; precious and endearing. Her body quite plagued with mystery. Creative and sensitive, She picked them up with shaken hands, dreaming of their
b e h o l d e r .
The bird captivates Her, with its sing-song lullabies, as it whistles to the trees and the to the breeze. Just let it be, She always said, Her voice high, but...
August 2010
1 post
Mountain Heart. I want to move somewhere, not far from home. But far from reality. I want to exist in the silence of the nature around me. To sing with the breeze and sleep by the light of the moon. I want to be alone, but feel together. I want to explore civilization as its fueled to be. Disastrous and territorial, honest but serene.
June 2010
1 post
Summer Nostalgia.
Are you feeling nostalgic, as the sun swallows your skin? Eager eyes, telling lies. My dreams flutter without me. My long, brown hair draped all around me, tickling the ground, caught in windy waves. Wearing a crooked grin, catching sight of the morning sun, and the infinite cloudy sky. My eyes, wide and wandering, ever-knowing of all the things I’ve never seen. The silver...